Lovely pictures

Wise words

"Some failure in life is inevitable;
it is impossible to live without failing at something
unless you live so cautiously that
you might as well not lived at all.
In which case, you fail by default."

J.K Rowling. Harvard Commencement Speech 2008.

Funny how I chanced on this as I struggled to find speeches inspirational enough to motivate myself to strive for HD grades. I suppose this perspective on failure provides a stark reminder that life ain't perfect, so there's no point trying to make it so.

Applying this to other aspects of life, I see that I could have lived life happier. A failure is a failure is a failure. Things would have been different if mistakes were not made, but we make mistakes and such is life. Being careless, I make more. It took me a long while to realise that once a mistake is made, nothing can be done to undo it. Not even repentence. Only forgiveness could bring forth the opportunity for a second chance. I hope and pray earnestly that day will come. But for now, all that I can do, all that I must do, is to channel my worries towards doing well and accepting failures that come my way. And smile.

For now, I'll have to, and I'll try to, move on and live on.

Stepping out of hermitage

To Life:
You are a tricky bustard who really knows how to sneak up behind my back and push me into the worst-ever crappy situations ever. Your sordid actions are so despicable, I spurn you as I spurn a rabid dog!

You knew that I have been trying to avoid the embodiment of my anguished memories, yet you had to tease me with her appearances. In the time of my attempted hermitage, I saw her more often than a donkey sees the carrot dangling in front of its head. Why on earth did you do that? Why did you hide her away from me when I desperately wanted to see her and paraded her like patriotic banners when I tried to avoid her.

Am I annoyed with how you have treated me? No. I find what you did repugnant you detestable, obnoxious, wretched low-life! I had never mouthed any bad word about you; in fact, I had been defending your mischievous antics -- I'd said 'the satisfaction of over-coming obstacles makes life worth living'. I ALWAYS SIDED YOU. But why did you put me through so much torment? Why?

Why did you bring me into this judgemental world as Benjamin button? Why was I born a precocious kid only to grow into some immaturely kiddish man? What is the use of eloquence when all other less-than-one-year-olds could only cry, suckle, and poop? Where have my immaculate sentence construction and listening skills gone to? Where have my maturity gone to? I dare you to say that I have grown out of them.

You made me a romantic whose archilles heel is timidity. You sinisterly administered into me a heavy doze of the love drug, yet constrained my actions with silly ego, shyness and fear of rejection. I fell in love, but I dared not say. I blamed myself, not you, when I missed my chance. But I curse you for giving me a good memory and strong emotions because you made it painstakingly difficult for me to forget this sad episode of excruciating pain.

You made my life miserable. Congratulations.

In you, I have no hope but one wish. I wish that you could let me regain my sanity so that I can scrape through my exams.

You are innately evil, and I know that. I accept that you will not concede to my request without a fair trade thus henceforth I make my bargain: I forego all hopes for HDs. Despite finding law particularly easy and HD within reach (with strong affirmation from my lecturers), I am willing to compromise for a D average.

I hereby proclaim my renunciation from hermitage. If you do have a heart, end my sorrow by either letting me forget her, or give me courage to make her the happiest person alive. Do not fucking leave me hanging or I'll hang myself.

C'est la vie

'That which does not kill us makes us stronger.' ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

'with all its sham, drudgrey, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.' ~ Max Erhmann, Desiderata

'Of all pain, and the greatest pain,
Is to love, and to love in vain.' ~ George granville

Dear Diary,

How have you been since the last time I confided in you?
I hope you haven't been lonely when you were alone;
I hope you have been well even when events occuring around you weren't;
I hope that you feel loved and be happy.

Because you are merely a figment of my memory, all that I hoped for you reflects my utmost desires.

I have finally understood how it feels like to long for somebody;
I have finally understood how it feels like to be wanted by somebody.
Regrettably, I have also understood how it feels like to have lost the person you cheerish most not because of incompatiability, but because of silly worries, jealousy, rashness, shyness, and above all, stupidity.

I am but a man blind to the very person I like, oblivious of the chances and opportunities I have been given; I am but a fool smitten and clusless about love.

As I scrolled through those electronic pages that stored my boyish memories, I recalled how I used to consider girls as emotional creatures with silly wants and how their breasts were the only reasons why I did not hate them. Now, I want more than breasts -- I pine for their emotions, I pine for their love. In a way, I found that I have become less independent as I grew out of my boyish self.

I crave for affection, I crave for companionship, and most desperately, I crave for love -- not from any person, but from just that one girl. The girl I dreamed of but never expected to exist; the girl who stood before me, and gave me the chance that I wasted.

I feel out of love, and I am unhappy;
I have been unwell even when people around me have been very well indeed;
I feel lonely even when I am among a group of affable personalities.
I have been forlorn and pensive since the last time I confided in you, my Dear Diary.