Living life in the small small world
Stolling along the sun kissed beach, kicking pebbles as I walk in this small yet cosy world of my own, shut out from the harsh reality of the outside world; I live my life in this small enclosed world.
Sunday, 6 November 2011
Monday, 13 June 2011
Wise words
"Some failure in life is inevitable;
it is impossible to live without failing at something
unless you live so cautiously that
you might as well not lived at all.
In which case, you fail by default."
J.K Rowling. Harvard Commencement Speech 2008.
Funny how I chanced on this as I struggled to find speeches inspirational enough to motivate myself to strive for HD grades. I suppose this perspective on failure provides a stark reminder that life ain't perfect, so there's no point trying to make it so.
Applying this to other aspects of life, I see that I could have lived life happier. A failure is a failure is a failure. Things would have been different if mistakes were not made, but we make mistakes and such is life. Being careless, I make more. It took me a long while to realise that once a mistake is made, nothing can be done to undo it. Not even repentence. Only forgiveness could bring forth the opportunity for a second chance. I hope and pray earnestly that day will come. But for now, all that I can do, all that I must do, is to channel my worries towards doing well and accepting failures that come my way. And smile.
For now, I'll have to, and I'll try to, move on and live on.
it is impossible to live without failing at something
unless you live so cautiously that
you might as well not lived at all.
In which case, you fail by default."
J.K Rowling. Harvard Commencement Speech 2008.
Funny how I chanced on this as I struggled to find speeches inspirational enough to motivate myself to strive for HD grades. I suppose this perspective on failure provides a stark reminder that life ain't perfect, so there's no point trying to make it so.
Applying this to other aspects of life, I see that I could have lived life happier. A failure is a failure is a failure. Things would have been different if mistakes were not made, but we make mistakes and such is life. Being careless, I make more. It took me a long while to realise that once a mistake is made, nothing can be done to undo it. Not even repentence. Only forgiveness could bring forth the opportunity for a second chance. I hope and pray earnestly that day will come. But for now, all that I can do, all that I must do, is to channel my worries towards doing well and accepting failures that come my way. And smile.
For now, I'll have to, and I'll try to, move on and live on.
Thursday, 26 May 2011
Stepping out of hermitage
To Life:
You are a tricky bustard who really knows how to sneak up behind my back and push me into the worst-ever crappy situations ever. Your sordid actions are so despicable, I spurn you as I spurn a rabid dog!
You knew that I have been trying to avoid the embodiment of my anguished memories, yet you had to tease me with her appearances. In the time of my attempted hermitage, I saw her more often than a donkey sees the carrot dangling in front of its head. Why on earth did you do that? Why did you hide her away from me when I desperately wanted to see her and paraded her like patriotic banners when I tried to avoid her.
Am I annoyed with how you have treated me? No. I find what you did repugnant you detestable, obnoxious, wretched low-life! I had never mouthed any bad word about you; in fact, I had been defending your mischievous antics -- I'd said 'the satisfaction of over-coming obstacles makes life worth living'. I ALWAYS SIDED YOU. But why did you put me through so much torment? Why?
Why did you bring me into this judgemental world as Benjamin button? Why was I born a precocious kid only to grow into some immaturely kiddish man? What is the use of eloquence when all other less-than-one-year-olds could only cry, suckle, and poop? Where have my immaculate sentence construction and listening skills gone to? Where have my maturity gone to? I dare you to say that I have grown out of them.
You made me a romantic whose archilles heel is timidity. You sinisterly administered into me a heavy doze of the love drug, yet constrained my actions with silly ego, shyness and fear of rejection. I fell in love, but I dared not say. I blamed myself, not you, when I missed my chance. But I curse you for giving me a good memory and strong emotions because you made it painstakingly difficult for me to forget this sad episode of excruciating pain.
You made my life miserable. Congratulations.
In you, I have no hope but one wish. I wish that you could let me regain my sanity so that I can scrape through my exams.
You are innately evil, and I know that. I accept that you will not concede to my request without a fair trade thus henceforth I make my bargain: I forego all hopes for HDs. Despite finding law particularly easy and HD within reach (with strong affirmation from my lecturers), I am willing to compromise for a D average.
I hereby proclaim my renunciation from hermitage. If you do have a heart, end my sorrow by either letting me forget her, or give me courage to make her the happiest person alive. Do not fucking leave me hanging or I'll hang myself.
You are a tricky bustard who really knows how to sneak up behind my back and push me into the worst-ever crappy situations ever. Your sordid actions are so despicable, I spurn you as I spurn a rabid dog!
You knew that I have been trying to avoid the embodiment of my anguished memories, yet you had to tease me with her appearances. In the time of my attempted hermitage, I saw her more often than a donkey sees the carrot dangling in front of its head. Why on earth did you do that? Why did you hide her away from me when I desperately wanted to see her and paraded her like patriotic banners when I tried to avoid her.
Am I annoyed with how you have treated me? No. I find what you did repugnant you detestable, obnoxious, wretched low-life! I had never mouthed any bad word about you; in fact, I had been defending your mischievous antics -- I'd said 'the satisfaction of over-coming obstacles makes life worth living'. I ALWAYS SIDED YOU. But why did you put me through so much torment? Why?
Why did you bring me into this judgemental world as Benjamin button? Why was I born a precocious kid only to grow into some immaturely kiddish man? What is the use of eloquence when all other less-than-one-year-olds could only cry, suckle, and poop? Where have my immaculate sentence construction and listening skills gone to? Where have my maturity gone to? I dare you to say that I have grown out of them.
You made me a romantic whose archilles heel is timidity. You sinisterly administered into me a heavy doze of the love drug, yet constrained my actions with silly ego, shyness and fear of rejection. I fell in love, but I dared not say. I blamed myself, not you, when I missed my chance. But I curse you for giving me a good memory and strong emotions because you made it painstakingly difficult for me to forget this sad episode of excruciating pain.
You made my life miserable. Congratulations.
In you, I have no hope but one wish. I wish that you could let me regain my sanity so that I can scrape through my exams.
You are innately evil, and I know that. I accept that you will not concede to my request without a fair trade thus henceforth I make my bargain: I forego all hopes for HDs. Despite finding law particularly easy and HD within reach (with strong affirmation from my lecturers), I am willing to compromise for a D average.
I hereby proclaim my renunciation from hermitage. If you do have a heart, end my sorrow by either letting me forget her, or give me courage to make her the happiest person alive. Do not fucking leave me hanging or I'll hang myself.
Wednesday, 18 May 2011
C'est la vie
'That which does not kill us makes us stronger.' ~ Friedrich Nietzsche
'with all its sham, drudgrey, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.' ~ Max Erhmann, Desiderata
'Of all pain, and the greatest pain,
Is to love, and to love in vain.' ~ George granville
'with all its sham, drudgrey, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.' ~ Max Erhmann, Desiderata
'Of all pain, and the greatest pain,
Is to love, and to love in vain.' ~ George granville
Tuesday, 19 April 2011
Dear Diary,
How have you been since the last time I confided in you?
I hope you haven't been lonely when you were alone;
I hope you have been well even when events occuring around you weren't;
I hope that you feel loved and be happy.
Because you are merely a figment of my memory, all that I hoped for you reflects my utmost desires.
I have finally understood how it feels like to long for somebody;
I have finally understood how it feels like to be wanted by somebody.
Regrettably, I have also understood how it feels like to have lost the person you cheerish most not because of incompatiability, but because of silly worries, jealousy, rashness, shyness, and above all, stupidity.
I am but a man blind to the very person I like, oblivious of the chances and opportunities I have been given; I am but a fool smitten and clusless about love.
As I scrolled through those electronic pages that stored my boyish memories, I recalled how I used to consider girls as emotional creatures with silly wants and how their breasts were the only reasons why I did not hate them. Now, I want more than breasts -- I pine for their emotions, I pine for their love. In a way, I found that I have become less independent as I grew out of my boyish self.
I crave for affection, I crave for companionship, and most desperately, I crave for love -- not from any person, but from just that one girl. The girl I dreamed of but never expected to exist; the girl who stood before me, and gave me the chance that I wasted.
I feel out of love, and I am unhappy;
I have been unwell even when people around me have been very well indeed;
I feel lonely even when I am among a group of affable personalities.
I have been forlorn and pensive since the last time I confided in you, my Dear Diary.
I hope you haven't been lonely when you were alone;
I hope you have been well even when events occuring around you weren't;
I hope that you feel loved and be happy.
Because you are merely a figment of my memory, all that I hoped for you reflects my utmost desires.
I have finally understood how it feels like to long for somebody;
I have finally understood how it feels like to be wanted by somebody.
Regrettably, I have also understood how it feels like to have lost the person you cheerish most not because of incompatiability, but because of silly worries, jealousy, rashness, shyness, and above all, stupidity.
I am but a man blind to the very person I like, oblivious of the chances and opportunities I have been given; I am but a fool smitten and clusless about love.
As I scrolled through those electronic pages that stored my boyish memories, I recalled how I used to consider girls as emotional creatures with silly wants and how their breasts were the only reasons why I did not hate them. Now, I want more than breasts -- I pine for their emotions, I pine for their love. In a way, I found that I have become less independent as I grew out of my boyish self.
I crave for affection, I crave for companionship, and most desperately, I crave for love -- not from any person, but from just that one girl. The girl I dreamed of but never expected to exist; the girl who stood before me, and gave me the chance that I wasted.
I feel out of love, and I am unhappy;
I have been unwell even when people around me have been very well indeed;
I feel lonely even when I am among a group of affable personalities.
I have been forlorn and pensive since the last time I confided in you, my Dear Diary.
Monday, 4 February 2008
New Shoes!! ... sucks
Got myself a pair of Crocs (actually my brother paid for it) after my brother's very convincing reasons on why Crocs is a must have. And I HATE it so bad cuz I started having blisters all over my feet just an hour after I left home for work, of which 45 minutes was spent on my dad's car. Splendid.
Met up with some good ol' pals last sat and we had a blast! It was more of me entertaining myself, and I decided that my shirt and jeans were dead thirsty, so I treated them Iced lemon tea.
The most intellectually stimulating thing I learnt last week: 41 - a card game
The stupidest thing I did last week: spilling tea on myself. And I looked like I wet my pants. It was quite fun and funny though. I don't mind it happening again but I would definately like it
happen on someone else instead.
The stupidiest thing I witnessed last week: Penny spilling tea on herself :)
The most cheapskate thing I did last week: Getting myself a job that pays me for slacking. The only drawback is I'm deprived of connection to the outside world cuz somehow there is no FM reception in my workplace.
The thing I dread most: MY RESULTS. I really hope that plane sending our results gets hi-jacked, the hi-jacker kidnaps my results and then parachutes into an unknown location. The rest of the certs SHALL return to Singapore safe and sound (just in case some nut-case really hi-jacks that plane and I get caught for 'scheming' it).
Met up with some good ol' pals last sat and we had a blast! It was more of me entertaining myself, and I decided that my shirt and jeans were dead thirsty, so I treated them Iced lemon tea.
The most intellectually stimulating thing I learnt last week: 41 - a card game
The stupidest thing I did last week: spilling tea on myself. And I looked like I wet my pants. It was quite fun and funny though. I don't mind it happening again but I would definately like it
happen on someone else instead.
The stupidiest thing I witnessed last week: Penny spilling tea on herself :)
The most cheapskate thing I did last week: Getting myself a job that pays me for slacking. The only drawback is I'm deprived of connection to the outside world cuz somehow there is no FM reception in my workplace.
The thing I dread most: MY RESULTS. I really hope that plane sending our results gets hi-jacked, the hi-jacker kidnaps my results and then parachutes into an unknown location. The rest of the certs SHALL return to Singapore safe and sound (just in case some nut-case really hi-jacks that plane and I get caught for 'scheming' it).
Sunday, 20 January 2008
A prospective student of some University
Finished my eighteen days stint in ACS (International) and I am so glad that I am finally FREE from the monotonous and mind-numbing work (and the tonnes of DEEP paper cuts I got from handling books; skin tears from sorting invoices!)
Gosh, I am so happy! Especially so when I QUIT THE JOB (trust me, it feels great doing that. Just don't do it too often, larh!).
I am once again unemployed but, this time round, I am proud of the title as the free time an umemployed student enjoys is PRICELESS. Having plenty of time on your hand is a luxury VERY LITTLE people can afford. Now, I can do things that I like. YAY!
Went NTU this morning even though I wasn't supposed to be there since it was for prospective Nanyang scholars while I am just a prospective student. hahhaha. So, technically, I crashed the event. HAHHAHA. But it was beneficial cuz the 'top of the tops' had the previleage of close interactions with professors while Uni students have a hell of a hard time just trying to look for them! Got to know more about the Uni courses (and now I am not sure what course I would like to persue in Uni. How Ironic.), and I got to see my long 'lost' eye-candy. Haha! And I thought things couldn't be any better!
But it did get better. Much, much better! Penny and Yu Zhen suggested cycling and watching the Sun set at west coast and so we went. We didn't get to cycle, and the Sun set behind the clouds! BUT we got to play almost all the play stuff meant for kids and it was exhilarating! Playing alongside the children was double the fun! haha. It was really really indescribable. The spinning whirls, swings, see-saws, sliding bars... real interesting, real fun, real joy. haha. What a blissful day indeed! hahah. 'I want to be peterpan (a famous pop star said it)!'
Hopefully, I can still enjoy these when I become a student of some University. For now, I'm still a prospective student.
I love A levels! But I dread taking the results. MOE, its okay if you accidentally lose my certificate. I won't even sue you if you lose my cert on purpose.
Gosh, I am so happy! Especially so when I QUIT THE JOB (trust me, it feels great doing that. Just don't do it too often, larh!).
I am once again unemployed but, this time round, I am proud of the title as the free time an umemployed student enjoys is PRICELESS. Having plenty of time on your hand is a luxury VERY LITTLE people can afford. Now, I can do things that I like. YAY!
Went NTU this morning even though I wasn't supposed to be there since it was for prospective Nanyang scholars while I am just a prospective student. hahhaha. So, technically, I crashed the event. HAHHAHA. But it was beneficial cuz the 'top of the tops' had the previleage of close interactions with professors while Uni students have a hell of a hard time just trying to look for them! Got to know more about the Uni courses (and now I am not sure what course I would like to persue in Uni. How Ironic.), and I got to see my long 'lost' eye-candy. Haha! And I thought things couldn't be any better!
But it did get better. Much, much better! Penny and Yu Zhen suggested cycling and watching the Sun set at west coast and so we went. We didn't get to cycle, and the Sun set behind the clouds! BUT we got to play almost all the play stuff meant for kids and it was exhilarating! Playing alongside the children was double the fun! haha. It was really really indescribable. The spinning whirls, swings, see-saws, sliding bars... real interesting, real fun, real joy. haha. What a blissful day indeed! hahah. 'I want to be peterpan (a famous pop star said it)!'
Hopefully, I can still enjoy these when I become a student of some University. For now, I'm still a prospective student.
I love A levels! But I dread taking the results. MOE, its okay if you accidentally lose my certificate. I won't even sue you if you lose my cert on purpose.
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Your world, your rules
Waking up to the world you are in total control of -- your dreams.